Well hey there.

I finally decided that maybe through my experience I can help other people. But before i can do that i need to tell you abit about myself. I am a sixteen year old girl, who has been through a hell of a lot; this however, is not what i am here to talk about. I am here to talk and share my stories, struggles and determination with my eating disorder.

At the age of 11, i developed bulimia nervosa, my whole life revolved around it. I was starving, binging and purging on a regular basis. The disorder came from nowhere, it hit me faster than I could help it and it only took a few weeks before i was in the grasp of the terrible illness. And yes, for those of you reading, eating disorders are a serious illness, not a choice or a vain attention seeking problem. For almost a year i struggled alone. I was in denial and was still, at this point, hiding my ed from my friends and family. I would go to extreme lengths to hide food, excersise, cover up my shrinkin body, thinning hair and bloodshot eyes; it could range from wearing baggy clothes, too spitting food out into an opaque cup during dinner, excersising in the middle of the night, it was like an addiction. Within the first 4 months i dropped from eight stone to a tiny six stone four, and within a year a was virging on five and a half stone. At a tiny five foot, I was exhausted and suffering mentally, physically and socially aswell as feeling an extreme knock-on effects to my academic study.

Until you have suffered, you can truely never understand. By the end of this first year I was now suffering from EDNOS, otherwise known as eating disorder not otherwise specified. This purely meant that was showing characteristics of more than one disorder but not meeting the full criteria of either or. It was at this point my friends intervined ( my family still having no clue as they were wrapped up in their own problems). A dear friend of mine had noticed my obsession with weight, calories and excersise aswell as my extreme weightloss and as an attempt to help one dinner force fed me a short bread…this was a very bad move, too any of you out there with a suffering friend please do not act in this way, it will only make things worse. I was that hysterical that day i had to leave, it was then something pulled from inside me, the force an eating disorder can have on you is so strong, you dont realise it until you see it. That night i woke up in the night, i could barely move or speak i was that tired, I struggled to even sit up ( my mum was away on holiday) but from somwhere deep down in my soul cane strength and i managed to get up frm that bad and run up and down the stairs one thousand times with oly two breaks. I was amazed at myself. I loved being tired, i loved the bones.

I will continue this tomorow.
It wont all be doom and gloom.

xoxox little gem.

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