So theres this guy that i dated over the internet. He’s from New Jersey. His names Richard but he’s known as Rick. So its starts out by my sisTer playing this video game on the xbox360 in 2009. She was using my account and i dont know why. That was when she met him. He was a stranger to me. He read my bio, and thought i seemed really cool. We both love music and creativity. We didnt talk to each other very much until he started inviting me into party chats. It was fun at first. Then he asked me for my number. (This was during summer in 2009. June something.. xD but it was hot!!!)I was also going to Summerschool to catch up on credits. So from there on we started texting each other. One day, later on this one day. He called me and told me he had problems with his girlfriend. Her name was Chelsea. Beautiful name. I was trying to calm him down and talk to him and stuff like that. We laughed, he sang. i sang along. etc. He’s a really good singer. We talked and talked. IT seemed like we could talk forever.From there i knew we were gonna be good friends. But then he told me he liked me. I smiled. :] we talked forever until he had to go. Days went by and he asked me out this one day and i said yes. We liked/loved each other. We were pretty much in love.We got with each other on August 3. 2009. One of the funniest happiest day of my life. He meant everthing to me. He was like everything i’ve always wanted. Everything i needed. It was like a fairy tale book at the end with a happy ending. We didn’t argue at all. We were constantly telling each other that we loved each other. Days went by it was october something when he broke up with me. :/ VERY DEPRESSING. i didnt know what to do..i couldnt eat. I lost weight. I became pretty. Like Pretty pretty. Why? I dont know. I guess i was depressed and wanted to show him how bad he missed out.

Dec.1,2009. I got back with him but we didnt talk quite much..

Present times 2010.Were just friends. We act as if we dont really want each other. But we still love each other. IT like theres a big huge gap between both of us. Its killing me. He talks to a lot of girls. I dont talk much to guys unless theyre my real close friends who actually cares about me. I dont know why but its hard to say this to him but like seriously, sometimes i want to slap him in the face and tell him to open up his eyes someday and know that im waiting for him. But its also like.. what am i waiting for. Its complicated. When he hurts me, i take it as if it was a bullet and i was bullet proof. I took so many risks for him. He sometimes pushes me away. Yeah i know that i was obsessed with him but not anymore. I just love him. Its hard to say actually. Hes like WOW.

So today is April 3, 2010. Yester 2nd of april in 2010. Hes falling in love and im hiding the fact that im not jealous by saying “EIPC FAIL”..it wasnt a fail. It was true. i was jealous. I hated it. I felt left out cause he was talking to her only and not me. It felt lonely. One thing that i love the freakin most is like pushing me to the limit where i didnt want to eat..just want to make him regret what he did.thats how i am and i dont know why? She seemes pretty cool.. her names Bianca.:/ anyways yeah. He told her that he liked her alot but she has a boyfriend whos a dick. That she took my place. :/ and told me that he doesnt feel like that anymore. that time i didnt are cause all i felt was hate and anger and jealousy. It was like to the point where i wanted to tell hm “If you love her that much then just fuck off and dont talk to me if you think that your just gonna do this for me to get jealous”. But i didnt. Cause i loved him. I still love him to death and i act as i dont anymore cause hes in love. He’s telling me no matter what, hell still love me and have feelings for me. But whats the point in having feelings for me if your falling head over heels over this Bianca girl right? I told him to just move and forget about it. I made him so jealous at the same time. I was talking to his friend and he seems pretty cool. and i told rick that i like his friend. He got jealous and left. :/ It was to see what hell just do. And it got to the point where he didnt really like me..i told him i was kidding and her was like ooh okay. i guess.

Now when i mean i love Rick. I mean he’s like the world to me. Hes the reason why im breathing. It’s like that. No lies. He makes me feel special when im there until he starts ignoring me and singing his lungs off. i do love the wasy he sings but i also do wanna talk. I love him because hes not scared to say anything me. He makes me laugh until i can’t breathe. Even though hes hurt me so much in my life. I dont know.. i still love him. Its complicated. But you can say its lame. cause hes my ex. :/

so yeah..i did this blog because i was bored and i needed to tell someone.. so strangers..SAY WHATEVER… :]